After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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