I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
