lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
