I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
