i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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