It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
