What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
