You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
