i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
