Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize