you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
