Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
