Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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