Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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