Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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