If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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