My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
