Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im part way to drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
