I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
