Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
