We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
