White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
