Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
