i think my mom watched the whole time
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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