Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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