Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize