I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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