Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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