Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
