I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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