Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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