She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
