my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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