I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ttyl tear gas
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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