a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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