You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
