Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sober January is a disaster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
