maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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