apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
