i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
