I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
how drunk are you?
Several
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize