Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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