where am i from again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
