You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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