winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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