every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
worst night to have a conscience
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
