trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
