Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
