The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
