Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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