I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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