I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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