Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
