Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize