Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
