Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize