Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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