This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
