I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
