she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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