she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
