It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
