So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
