her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
