Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
