first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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