So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
only you would photoshop your dick
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
