Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Found the puke drawer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
