I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
