Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Semen is not good for contacts.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
