thus making me awesome and them whores
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
