dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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