u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
