Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
