Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
