Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
