I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
