a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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