He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
