my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
