so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize