you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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