fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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