Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize