the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
