yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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