just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
