you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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