I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
