Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
