Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
