I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can I color on your dick again?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
