i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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