Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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