i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
