It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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