They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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