That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
