I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
