Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize