Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
