We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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