I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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