whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
