So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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