got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
