I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we made out on top of his cat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
