so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's never too late to be topless.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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