why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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