eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
