the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
